NYC

On my Midwest flight to NYC i found myself overcome with emotion... again. It's not as if i haven't been back to NY in years. I was here in August for a product launch event with my ex to see Kanye, who was performing.

After a series of events this year and in my persistent efforts to trust in God's will i have finally felt like i am letting go of Big. Maybe i'm thinking about this because i have experienced so many firsts in this city with the greatest love of my life (to date). Maybe it's the nostalgia. We had been so connected and our happiness together was so tied up in our dreams and our efforts to get him to the US or at least figure a way to get us in the same place.

New York was the first stop. I remember when he didn't know our friends' address in Manhattan and Big actually wrote "Fulton Street" on the customs form! Oh the influences of hiphop ;) I could imagine the way he thought it would be here and i remember fearing when he would realize the reality was much different.

But none the less, we loved it and loved being in love here. Each time he came to the states he flew thru NY and we'd spend time here together. Even in a diverse city like that we attracted stares and comments. Welcome to America! I will always remember walking the streets with him, the Illy Cafe, Brooklyn shopping, Senegalese restaurants, first time i saw the ring he was buying me... i'll go ahead n stop there.

Oh the Lord has brought me so far. When my last ex, the one i was in NY with, and i broke things off it was truly the first breakup in three years that i didn't grieve Big again. Of course i still think of him. It's sad knowing that Paco's passing away was what really spurred conversation between us again. And being with him in Miami in August was a blessing in so many ways. If i end up with a man half as wise and caring i will have surpassed any expectation my mind could have ever created before.

I think that in our shared "dream" i learned how people/places/things can represent something much greater. Just 3 weeks ago i was in Haiti with my baby, Isaac. I played Jay-Z's Empire State of Mind over and over for him. I told him how one day i'd take him to NY and how the possibilities for him will be endless. With these experiences i've seen just what a city can represent... it's really not about the place, it's about the DREAM.

Home is where the heart is. And i'm really good at leaving my heart in far away places. My heart right now lives in Port-au-Prince, but in all reality isn't even of this earth.

In the meantime, i'm going be strong and grateful for the love i have for this city that represents people like Big and Isaac and myself. I'm going to shop for my baby and think of him often. I enjoy the ironies that my other ex, who i talk to regularly, is possibly being traded to the Yankees as i write this. And i'm here with a girl that i met in Africa to celebrate her birthday - it's her 1st time in the city and i get to share that with her :-)

LOVE LIVE LAUGH LOUD!! (shout out to shorty for that;))

Ride or Die

I'm not sure how to even begin this post... I started this morning w an egg sandwich and coffee, listening to a song that made me really feel these words. "If I hadn't been thru the things I've been thru, I wouldn't know Him like I do." Then at church I heard the preacher speak about how there are things inside of you that you didn't know were there until you went thru what you did. Amen to that! My growth in the last year (even last month or two) has been amazing. I feel blessed with a gift of insight. I can see right thru to the heart of people and am recognizing why I do what I do with greater clarity than ever before. It feels like a burden sometimes. It was so much easier to write people off when I just reacted to their outward actions or to make excuses for myself. Oh how ignorance is bliss... But when we know better we can do better;)... and that is what is expected of us. Ultimately as Christ said in John 8:32 "the truth will set you free"


God has been pruning me and preparing me. Trust, I have a long way to go, but one thing I know is that I am fiercely loyal. I find myself tired of the competition, the games, the fickle attitude of others. But in all reality, it isn't my job to change that. All I can be is an example to those who paths cross with mine and learn from each experience as it comes. God places people in our path for a reason. You may not know it now or maybe ever, but His will is great and His desires for us exceeds our very own. 


So back to the title of this post... yes I consider myself a ride or die female. The people who have been close enough to me know this. They may no longer be a part of my daily life, but no matter what, I am here for them. It's something I almost can't help, but I'm proud to be that way. We are to ABIDE in Him and to stay with Him because His staying power is eternal. And I want to be more like Him. 


So I am trying to be patient and to wait on the Lord's timing. Becoming a woman of character. Plain and simple. There are rough times and there are good times and there are just getting by times. All of those put together make who we are together and as individuals, not just the good times. If you are down, I will lift you up. If I am down, you will lift me. Thick and thin kinda sh*t ♡ Pretty sure ya'll know what I'm talking about.